i refuse to let myself do this. [Friday September 23rd, 2005] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | lorene drive ] sorry, i've been too busy to care about livejournal. nothing has happened so you're not missing out on any pictures because my camera does not work. peace out for some time i'm sure. READ &REPLY (12)

"fuck it, i'm fine." [Monday June 13th, 2005] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | imogen heap ] I HATE CHANGE, IT CHANGES THINGS.

you do something to me that i can't explain. [Sunday May 29th, 2005] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | bleed the dream ] I know whats in store for me in the future and i know deep down this illinois thing will work out, i really want to believe it will. I have three years and then i can do and be anywhere i want to be and with whoever i want to be with. Yesterday was the first day i spent all day without John in months and i've never felt so incomplete in my life... truly. It's so hard to live here everyday when my heart is in Orlando Florida 11,000 miles away. Everyday without John is the hardest of my life, but i know we're meant to be someday and if i sound nieve it's because i am but at least i'm being honest to everything and everyone. I know how i feel and it's real. Of all the moments i've ever had in florida none of them seemed to equal up to everyday with John. I know this all happened for a reason and i'll spend the rest of my life trying to figure out that reason. I miss Melissa a lot. We always seemed to have something amazing to talk about from jacob to john to nubs and then to underwear! I hate this life right now and i hate not living anywhere near a beach because being at the beach freed everything that was ever on my mind. The constant stress, gone. The constant depression, gone. I've honsetly never cried so much in my life over so few people. -John. -Joey. -Melissa. -Elyse. -Kayla. -Raymond. -Marcos. To all of you who have pieces of my heart please keep them close because i know we'll meet again someday whether months from now or years. Through everything and all the heartbreak i've only learned one thing and that is to truly live everyday like it's your last. I know if i could redo parts of my life i would. I would take away the whole christmas break out in Narcoosee. I would have told john sooner. I wouldn't have kept so many hurtful secrets. And i would have never let best friends become such strangers. I know i'll forever keep memories in my mind. -playgrounds at night with ray. -mall trips with marcos. -lake eola and sunsets with john. -molly time with joey. -swing sets with elyse. -beach and lumina love with melissa. -constant years of fun with kayla. This was never goodbye to any of my friends, it's a longer summer for me really. I'll be back, i promise. Until then i love you. READ &REPLY (17)

time flies by with the sound of your voice [Sunday January 30th, 2005] [ mood | drained ] [ music | halifax ] Friends Only -I need a new start. -Comment and I'll add you. READ &REPLY (58)

you look so beautiful i wonder what you dream. [Saturday January 22nd, 2005] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | matchbook romance ] i don't want to discuss this past week, I've been pretty upset for some reasons. I can't focus in school anymore and all i do is sleep or talk online =( This weekend was okay i guess, Friday night i really wanted to head out to Narcoosee to hang out with Elyse but that didn't go as planned of course so we said Saturday but that didn't work out either so i got up and took a shower and asked Ray if he wanted to come over and hang out and so he did and we watched American Beauty because he'd never seen it and i wasn't going to let him leave until he did. He really liked it and then we of course took pictures because we are cam whores<3 Then ray left and miller asked me if i wanted to go out because he just wanted to leave the house so we hit up Pointe and ate johnny rockets and talked with Jacob and Stephen. I really enjoyed hanging out with John fucking Miller tonight because we talked the whole time, about a lot of things that i can't really talk to anyone else about, he helped me out =) I had fun with him, getting crunk in his truck, that was pretty eventful. We came home sat on the computer for a few minutes, dub came over and they left. That was the extent of my night. ( you can stay tonight and make everything alright. ) READ &REPLY (16)

and i don't know if i can forget you now. [Tuesday January 4th, 2005] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | saves the day ] This break was way too intense to handle, even for me. It goes down as Jacob and me hanging out probably too much... wait It's Jacob! i can't hang out with him too much, nevermind. Elyse and I becoming best friends // lovers. Too many hookups and breakups. Way too many bonfires. A little too much of Dominic. A lot of annoying drunk people. Me being intoxicated too much. And not being home enough which is great. New Years is completely stupid most the time i think about it but this one wasn't... at all. I watched the sunrise two days in a row and I find it to be completely amazing that i watched the first sunrise of 2005 The only thing that is going to be on my mind for the next week easily is ... Golfcourses, Sunrises and late nights with The Early Novemeber That's how that goes down. ( i can feel him breathing on my neck ) READ &REPLY (26)

pull me out from inside [Sunday December 5th, 2004] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | counting crows ] The grades are going up, slowly but they are... thank god! im so fucking sick of being grounded. I got to go out this weekend FINALLY! Friday i went home with dave and andrew and hung out with them for a little while outside because the weather is like whoa awesome. Then becky picked us up and we went to the park and hung out then Becky and Rudy went to get something and Dave Andrew and I stayed at the park and all andrew could talk about was being cold so we made a bonfire! Then we went to Pleasure Island and walked around for a while. Then headed out, i was maaaad tired on the way home for some reason so i slept on andrew<3 that was nice. The night ended. Saturday i woke up way too early to take my dog to the vet then to get my hurrr did =) I didn't do much on Saturday though. Today, Dave called me and woke me up around 1ish and then a few hours later went and picked him up and he helped me with my homework =) downloaded way too much music, took a lot of pictures of eachother and then together, called me a liar, and walked home and is now pretty mad at me. So the lessons learned this weekend 1. Take your camera everywhere, theres always a good camera oppurtunity 2. Don't take things that don't belong to you 3. Don't fight with Dave because it's pointless 4. Stop wearing skirts when its 45 degress outside 5. Stop thinking theres no point in life when there is. ( Pull me out from inside. ) READ &REPLY (24)

love is candy to the heart [Friday November 19th, 2004] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | none =) in computer class ] Underoath rocked house of blues like no other!!! READ &REPLY (8)

You're breaking my fall [Tuesday November 2nd, 2004] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Frou Frou ] As of today, i realized i suck at this updating thing! I never take any pictures because i never take my camera anywhere damnit, so they are just stupid pictures really. I've been doing a shit load of hanging out with Dave, Rudy, Andrew, Kayla, Kelsey and Tatiana like fucking everyday after school which isn't good! i get nothing accomplished school wise. But i love having my times with Dave and my talks with Rudy. He bought me a publix sub tonight<3 Rudy is my favorite I've been pretty laid back lately which is cool, but kind of out of it like not really paying attention to much around me except the things i really focus on coughfriendscough. I got a B on my algebra test which is good and it will keep my grade up!! compared to the past F i got =/ that class kicked my ass. I've realized that lunch is my favorite period, is that healthy? lol, its just cool cuz all my hotties are there. Especially my hot lovin Fonzie baby. This weekend was exciting but not tell worthy =X ( I'm adoring you, its all good, you're so beautiful. ) READ &REPLY (32)

I'm melting in your eyes [Wednesday October 6th, 2004] [ mood | sore ] [ music | Oasis ] Oh lordy, i don't even know where to begin! It's been like half a month since i even looked at this thing! I really have been busy though, Cross Country is getting to me big time. I've been hanging out with Kat a lot which is really cool! She took me to see Napoleon Dynamite finally with her brother and friend Will! I had a great time with her, i always do though. We had a cross country team outing to dinner at Olive Garden which was fun! I've done so much but i can't even begin to remember what! Kat came over one night and we had a girls night and watched Mean Girls! it was such a cute movie. Kat has been really sick though, shes getting over it but it sucks because she could barely even talk! But after kat was over the next day nick came over and we hung out, talked a lot about a lot of things which was good we just had fun. Jacob got his hair cut for $100 it looks odd, not bad just odd! gosh, i've been really busy lately which is fun but so tiring! I have a meet in Gainsville this weekend and i have to wake up at 4 AM which will suck so bad! but i do what i have to do, i feel like im the worst runner ever which i probably am but it really sucks, i try but i don't know... Cross Country season is almost over then im considering wrestling? im not entirely sure yet though, pictures, pictures, PICTURES. EDIT: new layout ya like? muchos gracias erin<3 ( Damn my situation and the games i have to play ) READ &REPLY (22)

It doesn't mean i don't desire to point the finger [Friday September 17th, 2004] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Dashboard ] Well im back =( on the unfortunate side i guess, school this week sucked... went by slow and it was horribly tiring and practice was a drag in every way shape or form. In Illinois i had a blast of course. Friday went there, went to the hospital to visit Jackies mom =( they say she has "bacteria from an unknown country" hahah i found that funny, Jackies mom has never been out of the united states! But anyways went out friday night to lip sync and saw everyone, hung out with my "boyfriend" kirby most of the time :wink wink: I saw erin my love . . . finally! shes great. Anyways hung out with everyone then went to Hard ons i mean Hardee's and ate!! then got a ride to aarons [[jackies boyfriend]] house in Forest City with Jack and Josh. Then hung out with them until aaron got home from stone and watched Soul Plane and fell asleep and woke up then Aaron took us home and we hung out their saturday, saw Jackies dad which was exciting of course... i love jackies dad! basically hung out saturday night. Then got up Sunday and Kirby called me to hang out and we did around 3 after showers and getting ready and got a ride from Tonyas boyfriend to the carnival with Kirby and had a lot of fun hanging out with him of course!! Then Jarrett Jollif ... old friend walked by and from the back looked exactly like Nick so i said to Jackie who is that she said "Jarrett" and called his name. He got so cute!! hes a little skater kid now! I got a new watch with 3 different bands to it, all polka dots which is so cute, kirby picked out the watch for me. Then ended up meeting up with Zach, Zac, Jared, and Nick and ended up laughing so hard i was so close to pissing my pants. They were all acting like fags which was the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life. Then went to the movies later on after Jack and Josh picked us up and took us to wal-mart to "pick up chicks" and went to see Resident Evil with the guys, hung out with Zach ended up finding out Kirby likes me and felt horrible because i was with Zach the whole night -- flirting =/ I left Monday morning, went out to eat and then went to go look at this house so my mother could torture me i guess... its beautiful! 10 rooms in total. Then can't make up her mind about moving back or not!! Tuesday i woke up went out to eat at a chinese place which was the best chinese food EVER! then got on the plane and it took off and i was listening to underoath and then before i knew it i felt tears coming down my face, i couldn't figure out why... i am illinois. I went back to school wednesday more emo than ever because i hate coming "home" fuck this. ( Memories so close to me just fade away ) READ &REPLY (15)

You were always my enemy. [Monday September 6th, 2004] [ mood | sore ] [ music | From first to fucking last ] Ok, im sorry to all of you who thought i was dead, but im not! I know its been 878976131213184645 years since i updated but i haven't been home. Im in Missouri right now at my grandpas because my mom is gay and is "afraid" of hurricanes so we had to get away from Frances. I don't have any pictures so i know this entry will be boring x8789451. I think we have school Tuesday =/ haha if thats so i won't be there until next tuesday! This weekend im going to Illinois to stay with Jackie and see everyone!!!! I really don't want to go back to florida, i truly don't. There is something about it here, the feeling i get . . . its just so homey? if that sounds even normal. Its 68 degrees here, i just went running up and down the hills among the dead people [my grandpa lives by the cemetery] It just feels so fucking good to be home. I don't want to say goodbye next tuesday, its all my life has been, coming back seeing everyone having the best time and then having to leave and i truly truly hate every moment of it. Next time i update i'll have pictures of everyone and everything. READ &REPLY (19)

This place is a bloodbath and we won't be taken alive. [Wednesday August 18th, 2004] [ mood | curious ] [ music | from.first.to.last. ] Hurricane Charley didn't do shit to me which amuses me. It fucked up kaylas yard and daves pool but good ole charley didn't even touch me. Due to Hurricane Charley school is closed until next tuesday which is like a semi vacation which is somewhat exciting at the same time boring. I saw Princess Diaries 2 with Danny, Michelle and Kayla which was cute. Then the next night I saw Alien vs. Predator with dave, kelsey and kayla and it was decent, one of those movies that didn't make too much sense. We hung out, ate at Johnny Rockets like always for free, cuz im jordan and i got the hookup. Went to daves with kelsey, hung out wanted to go swimming but damn you charley! ( Secrets don't make friends ) READ &REPLY (12)

Your just a small town girl living in a lonely world. [Sunday August 8th, 2004] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | journey ] Hanging out like whoa... being cooler than ever of course, that's me though. Hanging out always. Rained and we went to Old Town only because that's our luck, saw all the cars disgusted kayla with my automobile knowledge! Me and dave drooled over the chargers and mustangs. Kyle, Fonz, Dave, Kelsey, Kayla and Joey came over and we all hung out in honor of kyles returning for the day and then Kayla and I hung out with nick which was better than ever. I can't realize that tomorrows my first fucking day back... seriously intense its a fun thought in the long run but whatever. Took some quite funny pictures if i recall. ( Just a city boy born and raised in south detroit. ) READ &REPLY (12)

its getting dark...to dark to see [Tuesday August 3rd, 2004] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | mewithoutyou ] Countdown 6 days, this sucks. We saw The Village, i hated it. Other people said it was good but i truly hated it, it was just wierd and had a bad ending. I went to the bathroom in a boys bathroom which was the highlight of my night! It was cooler there then when i tell you about it. Today Dave and Andrew went in my room and woke me up around 9 and we drove back to his house and ate, played monopoly and watched Monster, slept, giant orgy, and went home. I had fun today just kinda sitting around with them. Im lacking in my camera love because it eats and im getting sick of it so yea whatever, old and new pictures. ( It feels like im knocking on heavens door ) READ &REPLY (14)

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